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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Wonder Years.

I need a break from life. Call it a very long nap, or just lying in silence in a dark room; all I know is that I need for the world to stop spinning on its axis if but for a moment. So many things are happening in my life, my tiny cortex cannot process all of it at one time. I wish there were a way to turn on the 90% of my brain that isn't utilized because somewhere among that gray matter, I feel that there is an answer, swimming among synapses being fired.
I had been so sure of myself, and now I'm back to square one. It's like Maslow's hierarchy of needs: I was so close to reaching the top level of the pyramid, self-actualization, that I could taste it. Unfortunately, I've learned recently that life can change in a blink of an eye, and now I feel as if I'm lying naked, barely clinging to the bottom rung of food, water, and safety.
I don't want to be a business major anymore. Actually, I don't think I EVER wanted to be a business major, but when you have it beaten into your head that it's the practical pathway, you somewhat start to believe it. I know what I want: to write. THIS is my passion. I've lived to write since I learned the alphabet, precisely copying letters into words, words into sentences. What child would rather write the story in elementary school over the coloring of the front cover? Guilty as charged.
I don't know how my parents are going to take this news. They feel like they've lost their 'baby girl', and I don't know if they can take another bomb detonating over their head, considering everything in my life that's happened over the past month. A part of me just wishes there was a way I could pay for my own schooling, and maybe there is a way. I just need time to research it. On the positive side of things, once you've lost everything and have nothing and are on the ground level, the only place you can go is up. You can risk it all because you have nothing to lose.
Growing up is a bitch. It really, truly is.


  1. it can only get better. follow your passion. you are amazing.

  2. Thank you. You are definitely right; things have very much perked up... You only can know good if you can compare it to bad. :) Again, thanks for reading!

  3. no problem, i find this inspirational. i am happy to hear that things have been looking up for you, there is always calm after a storm.

  4. I must say Lauren, that even though I haven't spent much time with you (not a good thing..something that I am guilty of with a number of family members/friends), I feel like I have somehow learned a lot about you since I started reading your posts, and I must say I've learned a few things about myself along the way. Anyone who reads these posts would instantly realize just how much writing means to you, and I know your parents know this as well. It all works out, even though it doesn't always seem like it will. I went through a 3 year relationship that drained me of everything. But, because of how it ended, and where it ended, I have now been in a 4 year relationship with the person I'm supposed to be with.
    No time to think/write more, must get back to work. Anytime you want to talk (I realize I'm not the first person you would go to, but...) I'm always available. As the great Red Green says, I'm pulling for ya. We're all in this together.

  5. Thank you, Joel. What you said really means a lot to me. I know, it is truly unfortunate we haven't spent more time together.
    And you are completely right: things do have a way of falling exactly where they are supposed to do so. Through everything, the good, bad, and ugly, I've learned A LOT. It's amazing how a simple day looks amazing when you've just gotten through the gates of Hell. As for me, I have a new major: Professional Writing...and could not be happier. If I can manage it, a creative writing minor will be squeezed in as well. The parents have taken it really well, and they are being very supportive.

    I hope things are going well for you and that you had a great holiday! Maybe I will see you closer to Christmas :)

    Thanks for checking out the Blog. It means a lot.